Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
