every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
false alarm, still single
Randomize