a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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