Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
