Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
