You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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