Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
