Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
