i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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