mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
