you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
