well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
