I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
