Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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