Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
