8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
