if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
