you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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