Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
