I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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