i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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