And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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