I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
