My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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