Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize