Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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