No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
