dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize