i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
