he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
