Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
