Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
