i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
