I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
