so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
