I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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