you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
