I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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