I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
