yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
