woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
