eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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