Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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