better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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