Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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