Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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