Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
