Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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