Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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