i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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