Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
