once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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