I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
