Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
