i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
