I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
