Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize