he puts the penis in happiness.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
