New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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