foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
