I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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