she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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