if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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