i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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