My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
