PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
