I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
