Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
