I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
