I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
