I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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