I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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