can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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