Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
